Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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