I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
