and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Randomize
