the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
