Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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