So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
