is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
