wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
