I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
