i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
