dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
