I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
