its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
