i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
