My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
