Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
