so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
