i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
