I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
