I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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