im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
