he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
