He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We left the knife in your bed.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
my liver is dry heaving
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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