I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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