my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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