i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
