i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
