we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just found a bag of teeth...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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