I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
