Having a random hookup so left but love u
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
