He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
