I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I love how my cats smell like pot.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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