Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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