White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
