So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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