Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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