he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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