I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
