if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize