i was born a porn star she said
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You took a bar mat shot.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
