Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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