Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
