my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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