I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
