The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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