that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
