Your face is a jimmy john
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
