I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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