im drinking this country out of the recession.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
