I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
