the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
