Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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