Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
