is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
