I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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