We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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