he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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