Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
