i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
