3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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