I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
