If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
